Wednesday, November 2, 2016

We are the Dallas Police. We are here to protect and serve. And when a murderer comes our way, we know what to do: replace his underwear. 

Yes, we strip him bone naked and replace his most intimate garments because: that is what we do. That is who we are. 

And if he needs a little help walking along, our hand can always venture into his pants.

We do that all the time. It may look a little strange to you, but it's all in a day's work to us.

Our goal is public safety, and that means getting prisoners in the proper regulation underwear. And we don't go halfway; we replace the whole set of underwear. That's right; the whole set, mind you. In fact, when our Penguin squad wrestled Jack Ruby into the building without cuffing him, the first thing we did is get him out of those civilian underwear and into the proper jail underwear. But, don't worry: we kept a proper record of what we did with his underwear.

Let it never be said that we were going to steal his underwear. No, never. A man's underwear is his-and his alone. But, confiscating underwear and properly documenting it and storing it and inventoring it is a big part of what we do, here at the Dallas PD. And, we take our work very seriously.

So, no matter what comes our way, we'll be ready, with Small, Medium, Large, and Extra-large. Read this again, because it shows you your tax dollars at work, indeed, making Dallas a safer city.  

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